I'm so unsure, all of the time. My identity is mine, no one can change that, but I have doubts and fears that come from conditioning and trauma which extends like a shadow over my Self. It's like looking down into a dark pool at a broken mirror; I can see myself, just barely, but it's fractured and inaccessible through layers of grime. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm an island in an island, an inverted inversion, an identity that belongs in one place but acts more like a ghost on the periphery instead of a loud voice in a movement. My sexuality is a battle to claim, fighting through years of cult-teachings and repression, pushing against multiple facets of society that try to tell me how I am supposed to be. 

Why was I born? Was it only to have trouble and sorrow, to end my life in disgrace?(Jeremiah 20:18)

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