A Controlled Performance Portraying An Event That Was Out of My Control
A Controlled Performance Portraying an Event That Was Out of My Control is a deeply personal video performance that transforms my experiences of childhood abuse into a regimented, choreographed solo color guard routine. Dressed in neutral, peach tones, I use the structured and precise movements of color guard to reframe a moment in my life that was chaotic and uncontrollable.
Set to a commissioned score titled Threnody of the Ethereal Mind, the performance builds a visual and emotional narrative of struggle and release. Midway through, the screen fades, revealing the transcription of my exposure therapy session—the first time I spoke about the abuse. This shift from performance to written testimony invites viewers into an intimate space of vulnerability and healing.
The deliberate contrast between the regimented choreography and the trauma it recounts mirrors the tension between control and chaos, suppression and expression. This work is an exploration of resilience, the catharsis of creative expression, and the reclamation of agency over my own narrative.
Trigger Warning: Recounting of childhood sexual trauma